So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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