my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize