I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
