I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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