Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
