Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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