I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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