Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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