I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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