I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
