Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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