I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
