Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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