My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
