At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
