Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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