I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I forget how to act sober
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
