I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
