So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
