Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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