I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let's get the cat blown out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
