so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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