YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
