were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
