I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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