The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
