Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
