Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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