Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize