He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
