u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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