I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize