I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had to cum in my sink.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
