now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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