I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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