i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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