Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
