she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
