she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
