Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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