hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
