i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
