Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
