I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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