i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
