I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
