I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
vagina is talking i cant
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
