genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
