I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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