we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
