WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
