If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
