i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
