she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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