i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
