we'll go far in life on tits alone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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