It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
