Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry about my life...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize