come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
